Sunday, 20 September 2009

Radio Silence


photos by: Simpologist

photo by: Pdam2

So, I haven't been in blogland for a while. On a few occasions, I have had the urge to write, but then hesitated. I think this is because I am often not sure where on the spectrum of non-fiction to fiction a blog like this one needs to lie. Most of the time, this doesn't matter - I am more than happy to tie together my entries with tripe, but when big things in life happen, it's not as easy. I feel some sense that this blog is an historical record, even if only partially reliable. I guess I am not the most willing or confident tell-all blogger. Plus, I am supposed to be talking about academic issues (whip crack), issues that become less relevant in the daily sense the more immersed you are in your thesis or perhaps they just become so narrow and iterative you can no longer (bear to) see them.

So here's the offload: I have spent the last few weeks dealing with breaking up with my boyfriend and moving out of a shared home. It took almost a week to complete the move, a painful and absurd task which involved dividing books and DVDs, gently bargaining over kitchen goods (with both of us declaring we didn't want any of it), cooking meals together and trying to keep things light and loving. Each day, the blunt reality of a house slowly stacking and emptying would hit us. Then, after my last load of things had been trundled to a friend's house in a clumsy wooden cart, I began the new experience of riding past shared house, empty and still, waiting for new tenants, evidence that the relationship, the sharing a home and more part, had vanished.

I am turning to thesis work, quite gladly in fact. I had been feeling terribly agitated about being behind my schedule, only getting a few hours' work done each day (even if I knew the reasons and understood the need for rest).

This post sounds far more grim than my life actually is. Time helps. The kindness of family and friends helps. Being older (hehe) is a very good thing too. I have also enjoyed some time out of the bubble, cruising through the vast green-brown Oxfordshire countryside to find thet the honey-coloured villages of the Cotswolds. One of these villages, Broadway in Worcestershire, was hosting a hearty fete, which was fronted up by a school jazz band, and supported by icecream carts and tea and cake stalls. I had a conversation with a few English people (one Burton-on-the-Water local, two from Yorkshire) about what they regarded as the decline of English society. They want to reintroduce the death penalty and to see more preventative measures against the increase in single parent families. I tried to feed a speckled white horse an apple, but backed out at the final moment. It had these pale blue eyes that seemed, to me, to be darting every which way. There was no agreement between us. I have never been good at feeding horses.

Anyway, I'd better get cracking with some work. I hope you're well. I will have a happy dawdle around blogland later on to see what's going on...

15 comments:

Brennig said...

I love Broadway, it's such an iconic piece of countryside, almost a snapshot of how life used to be. Twice a year I try to compete there, but not his year, sadly.

John Flood said...

I feel for you. Glad it went "reasonably" well. Best, John

LPC said...

These things are hard. Glad you are surviving.

Brennig said...

It is kitchen things (sorry, I had to think long and hard), piles of kitchenware - from the washing machine/drier down to knives and forks. The saddest part of breaking up is not seeing these things being divided, but seeing my 'share' of these things in my new home afterwards.

Feel your breakup pain.

Ink said...

(((((AH))))) Sorry to hear about the breakup and dehousing. That's so rough. *Hugs*

Kate said...

If there were words I could leave which would go some way to making you feel better, I would leave them in a heartbeat. For now I say "Courage, mon amie" and can't wait to sit with the sun on our back, happily crafting away. Live you xx

Kate said...

That was obviously supposed to say "love". (Grubby editing skillz) But I live you, too! xx

droid said...

Stiff upper lip.

Blanch-o-blog said...

The problem with feeding horses: You're never quite sure in advance if it'll just take the apple, or maybe also some fingers.

And you could say the same thing about break-ups: Is this thing gonna cost me an apple or take off my whole arm?

Two situations in which, as you say, "there is no agreement". Good luck.

Studentmum said...

Difficult times - I am sending positive thoughts your way.

Academic, Hopeful said...

Thanks for the messages, team. I am still in shock and have pangs of sadness every now and then. I certainly did not have this experience (the losing a home and a relationship at the same time thing) on my 'must do before I die' list. It sucks. But getting there (with my stiff upper lip and all)! Thanks again.

Good Enough Woman said...

Wow, AH. If I were in your shoes, I would have a very difficult time focusing on the thesis. My sympathies for all these challenges.

I'm glad you are improving and that you had a lovely trip to the Cotswalds to clear your head. The pictures are beautiful.

I thought of you while I was on my trip: "Hey, I'm in the same country as AH right now!" And I thought of you when I watched QI.

Hugss (((((((AH)))))))

Bavardess said...

Moving sucks at the best of times. When it's because of a breakup it's doubly draining and very sad. Glad you are getting some downtime in the country, and I hope the thesis-writing goes well.

Ink said...

Just coming by to check on you. Everything ok over there? Miss you but hope that you're doing very well.

(word ver = "restings"! hope you are having some nice restings)

John Flood said...

How are you doing? Let me know.